"Trust is rarely broken on purpose"

Vicky and I met at work. Witty, sarcastic and incredibly skilled, she’s the one person you want to have standing by you. Vicky also comes with an incredible flow of positive energy which works better than caffeine.

In her interview, she talks about the reality of broken trust and how being a woman in today’s world is increasingly becoming a choice you make.

What does trust mean for you?

Vicky - I think the loss of trust is the biggest betrayal that you can experience in a relationship. I think it’s difficult to build and you shouldn’t take it for granted. If I feel like someone’s being hypocritical, or not going to practise what they preach or anything like that, I feel like there’s a loss of trust there. And that affects me quite a lot. I’d like to think that it’s something that you automatically have, and that’s something that you have to lose, as opposed to something that you have to earn. When it’s broken, I don’t cope with that very well. I’m a middle child, I need to have everything to be exactly what it should be. I like to be anchored between support, structures and then I’m happy. If trust seems broken, I would like to think I’d be emotionally intelligent enough to try to see the situation from their point of view. Because I think trust is rarely broken on purpose.


Trust is rarely broken on purpose


What does it mean to be a woman?

Vicky- That’s a really big question! Increasingly, it’s a choice you make. Or perhaps ‘choice’ is the wrong word, but certainly gender identity is becoming a much more talked about concept. Which is quite interesting, isn’t it? We used to say “you were just born this way, as a woman”, but that’s not the case anymore. I suppose you can say being a woman means certain things - strength, nurturing, this or that. In some places it means more of a struggle. Less opportunity. Some things about being a woman make me fucking angry. Case in point - you know that whole thing about Harvey Weinstein and people publicly naming other people for harassment? Of course it’s much better to have it all in the open. I’d rather see establishment raised to the ground rather than know that this kind of thing is going on. I was struck by this whole narrative around female interns in Parliament and the fact that more powerful men would take advantage and they felt like they were powerless… I heard this  commentary from a guy on the radio saying “we wouldn’t be happy if our daughters were not given the opportunity of an internship because they might be put in that situation”. And I kind of see what they were saying, but actually, everybody should just be equal. It’s not really a question for “as fathers, we wouldn’t want this for our daughters - like we, as men need to ‘protect’ the female gender”. Nobody should have to put up with that kind of thing! So... to be a woman is complicated.

What do you hide?

Vicky- Not much! I would like to think what you see is what you get, to an extent. You wouldn’t necessarily want everybody to know whatever you’re thinking… but I’m pretty open and honest. I’m very bad at lying… does that answer the question? There is the usual thing about fear, fear of not doing really well at work, not really applying yourself… No, I don’t have deep insecurities, I just have the same ones that everybody else does. Some people choose to segment their lives a lot more. I respect that.

What do you believe in?

Vicky- Is it a cliché to say “the goodness of people”? I used to believe in God. Growing out of that, a bit. Unfortunately or fortunately. I really just don’t see it… I can’t… I respect those who do, but I don’t, and that’s quite a tough conflict. But I believe in love, I believe in family... I believe in coffee.

What are you grateful for?

Vicky - Oh… so much! Oh my God, I’m so lucky! I wake up in the morning, my family is healthy. I’m so grateful for that. I know too many people who’ve lost parents or siblings. I’m so grateful for my relationship, it’s relatively new in my life and it’s amazing. I have a roof over my head, food on the table and a disposable income. Particularly at the moment, I feel like I have more money that I’ll ever have to spend before I start a family. More money, no responsibilities. I have a job I enjoy. I have freedom to do what I want, when I want. If I want to go on holiday, I go on holiday. I really need to remember this. I had a teacher at school who said I needed to stretch in the morning. If you stretch and it doesn’t hurt anywhere, be grateful. Because one day will come when you stretch and something will hurt or something will ache, or you’ll remember something painful or that someone’s died. I don’t have a gratitude journal or any of that, but I think it’s important to be grateful for when things are just good. Because I’ve seen it happen so fast when it goes the other direction. When things are just normal, that’s actually good.