"I think about soul mates sometimes"

What is trust?

I think trust is being able to speak to someone completely without boundaries, with the feeling that you’re not going to be judged. That you can say absolutely anything that you want and that it’s not going to leave, not the only the room, but the other person. The word ‘trust’ can be thrown around quite often… too often. I’m contrary – on the one hand, I think that you’ve got to know someone for a really long time to have deep, meaningful trust. But then I also think that sometimes you can meet someone and form a connection or bond so quickly, suddenly trusting them more than someone you’ve known for the past 20 or 30 years. I think on paper I can appear as though I trust everyone. But in reality, only myself.

What does it mean to be a woman?

Sophie - I do wonder to myself, if I could go back to the womb, would I choose to be a man or a woman? To me, being a man sometimes appears a lot easier than being a woman. Maybe to me, being a woman represents struggle. When I think of the differences between a man and a woman, I always think about the added negatives that being a female has: giving birth, periods, the fact that you’re hypersensitive, super emotional. But then at the same time, I take the same things and I think, actually maybe they’re the positives: carrying your child, heightened empathy. I couldn’t sum it up in a sentence.


"I think about soul mates sometimes"


What do you hide from yourself or others?

Sophie - I hide a lot from others. Nothing specific. I present myself as someone confident and outgoing, but that is definitely a mask. I’m one of these people that is constantly comparing myself to others, which you might not necessarily assume. I think with things like Facebook and Instagram, it’s become almost impossible to not compare yourself to others. Like, “why is that person that I went to school with already married with two children”… or “why has this person I knew from uni got a fantastic job”… and then I think to myself, would I want to be married with two children? Probably not. Do I actually want that job? Probably not. I definitely hide from other people how insecure I am. The funny thing is, if they looked at my Facebook or Instagram they might think the same. Not because I am at all superior, but because we choose to put very selective things on social media – only the highlights.

I do think I’m honest with myself. I’m a thoughtful person, I’m quite considered, and am constantly in my own head. So I don’t think I have the capacity to hide a lot from myself. The things I keep buried are more to do with my past. I don’t think that’s necessarily hiding things, it’s more keeping certain memories below the surface so that you’re not overwhelmed all the time, so you can continue to function. It’s more a means of survival.

What is your inner strength? Something you believe in?

Sophie - I wouldn’t say there’s one particular thing I believe strongly in. I’m one of these people who, if something terribly sad has happened, I might suddenly turn to God. And then in six months when everything has plateaued and is fine, He doesn’t really enters my thoughts. In the past, when I’ve been through heartbreak, or bereavement, or disappointment, I’ve become more spiritual. I’ve turned to tarot cards, meditation, astrology… I think because I wanted answers, and I wanted something to believe in so badly. It’s the need to find something to make me think “actually, everything is going to be ok” and if I concentrate my energy on x, y or z’, that’s going to help things become better. So I very much flicker between different religions, different beliefs, different elements of spirituality. I don’t have a steadfast belief system, which is probably a weakness. You shouldn’t just jump from one to the other. I’m currently placing a lot of belief in fate. And that shows that I’m plateauing, that I’m quite content at the moment.

What are you grateful for?

Sophie - To an extent, I’m grateful for everything. I consider myself a very privileged person, in the grand scheme of things. I mean, it’s true that I haven’t had the best life. But I’ve also not had the worst, by any stretch of the imagination. So when I’m starting to feel a bit down, or sorry for myself, I try to think “for goodness’ sake Sophie, you could have it a whole lot worse, you could have been born in a different country, a different era, a different anything”. So I try to remain grateful for every tiny little thing in my life. The fact that I’ve got a job, a roof over my head, this bit of calamari I’m eating. I’ve got a boyfriend, I’ve got good friends, a family. These are all things that, as a society, I think we take for granted. And I try my best not to. I’m grateful specifically for the people around me. I’ve got a really strong group of close friends that I can turn to, for just about anything. I think about soul mates sometimes. I don’t believe in a soulmate at all. But I believe in a group of soulmates, the people you meet by chance - school, university, work or whatever, and actually you’re like “I don’t think I can imagine my life without you”. So I’m grateful for the people who have come my way and that I’ve chosen to surround myself with and who have decided to stick with me. I’m very grateful for the people in my life.